you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
