I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
