The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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