Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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