He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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