I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
