the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
