There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
