how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
zippers are such a cool invention
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
