Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
