Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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