I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
