My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
