Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
