She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i dont even know how to be here
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize