Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
