So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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