Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
