do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
