just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
