Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want her autograph on my taint
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
