I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
