someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
