i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
