it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
nutella sex= disaster
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
