walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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