OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I see more hoeing in ur future
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
