my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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