She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
