I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
