I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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