I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
