It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
