Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
