She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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