Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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