I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
