don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize