Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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