New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
