your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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