the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
