I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
