your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize