Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
