She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
