He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
