please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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