i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my shit smells like andre
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
