remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize