This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
