I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
