Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
