Moan for me like Helen Keller
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
