ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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