This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize