i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
