your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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