mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
