I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
