It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My dick has a subreddit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
