Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
