Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize