I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
