dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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