I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
