If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
