I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
