I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
