my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
