I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why do cheetos always look like penises
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
