woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
