This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you win again, gameday.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize