I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
