I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
