Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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