your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
