fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize