It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
