Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
