Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
