I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
