I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize