Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
