Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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