He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
