12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone came in the potted fern
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
