He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
