Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
