She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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