He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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