The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
