I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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