I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
