dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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