was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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