i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
