but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
