cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
