I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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