Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
